There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
