Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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