Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just come out here and I will go home with you...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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