Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
