just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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