Betty ford says i'm here all night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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