Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
