She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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