I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize