this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
