I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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