I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
