yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
