Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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