Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
