Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
