You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im six kinds of drunk right now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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