im six kinds of drunk right now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize