You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
