I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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