I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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