Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
