she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize