Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
