theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
