Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
