D3 body, D1 cock
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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