My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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