I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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