I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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