uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
