best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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