Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
