I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize