you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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