That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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