i need an iv and a liver transplant
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
