Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
