Betty ford says i'm here all night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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