i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
