Who did Billy Mays play for?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize