His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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