dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
