so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize