Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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