So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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