from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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