you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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