maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
