Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The air taste purple.
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