how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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