Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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