everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize