Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
