Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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