I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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