I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
