this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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