She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
