quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
