Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize