remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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