Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
