theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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