Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
