i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
