I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
