Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize