so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
