No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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