I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
