He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
