eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
