Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
