I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
