oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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