I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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