It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
