i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
