Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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