I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize