she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
