Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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