He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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