I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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