i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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