i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm passing your future prison.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
