her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
