hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
