College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
