his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
