I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize