Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
