the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
"it" just moved
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you would pick up someone in the library
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
