my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
