belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
