She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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